I fell too hard to bounce back
by Crzy-Insane-Mental-Cyco-Teen
Summary: Jack realizes his love for ianto and doesnt know how to tell ianto. Or if he should. Plz Read and review? (r&r) janto.
1. Chapter 1

Jack sighed. Ianto wanted him to say it...he just couldnt. It hurt too much. If he said it, it made it twelve billion times worse. He'd married, loved, had kids, lost them, buried them. And each time was worse than the last. It was like nothing else. A never ending, stomach churning burning sensation that never seemed to end. It shattered his psyche and his equilibrium. He couldnt get himself to eat, or drink, nothing. It hurt too much.

If ianto ever worked up the courage to tell him he doesnt know what he'd do... Hed have to say it back. Hed be a mess of emotion within the hour though. He couldnt fall in love though. He couldnt. He wouldnt. Thats why he hated the word couple. He coud never be a part of one. A _relationship, _very very strong word. He just refused it because it would break him this time. He was fragile even with Ianto by his side. And after grey and john and tosh and owen he wouldnt hold if gwen or ianto, epescially ianto, was to die.

It nearly pushed him over the edge in 1999 with alex. It nearly drove him to buying a suicide attempt when Shylae and their little girl died in 1867. It nearly drove him over the edge when the family that had taken him in after he married May in 1910 died along with may. There were so many more. And all those memorys still held immense pain if he were to let them take over for just a second.

Ianto was different than the others somehow. He was more important. He was...perfect. and when he lost his beautiful welshman he would break down and cry and weep until there were no more tears because he loved him. He...loved...him. he couldnt. He didnt. But...maybe...no. no. It cant be. But maybe it is... it has to be.

He had to tell ianto. But maybe...he could let tosh tip ianto off first, get him a bit ready. Or maybe ianto will say it with the right push...god he was a coward. But he hadnt done this since 1999 with Wil.


	2. love and pain

Jack sighed. Memories were starting to resurface now that hed figured out about having fallen in love. He didnt think he'd get through this without ianto but he really needed to stop this before it went too far. He groaned in exasperation kicking his desk as he paced. He could feel another memory pushing forward and shut the door, collapsing into his chair with another sigh.

* * *

><p><em>Jack laughed, running after Lily, picking her up around the waist and spinning her around. She laughed, a brilliant, hardy sound. She had her hands on his shoulders grinning fantastically.<em>

_She smirked at him. "I have to go jack! I have to pick out a gown for our wedding!"_

_"Wedding! What wedding!" Alice guppy raged, walking up to them._

_"I hadnt told you yet." Jack explained._

_"Well your not allowed to mary while working at torchwood!"_

_"Yes you are. I read up on it. 'No two _members _of torchwood may marry. Lily doesnt work for torchwood. And she knows! Please. You cant cancel it. Just, think it over?"_

_"Okay." Emily and Gaskell choruses their disaproval, but then frowned and looked to lily, who was crying._

_"Oh i guess since it isnt against our rules. The pet can get married."_

_"Hey!"_

_"Watch it jack." Lily whispered. "Just until after the wedding."_

_"Okay." Jack said, smiling and kissing her softly._

* * *

><p>The rift alarm went off and jack wiped away his tears, taking a deep shaky breath before trodding down stairs.<p>

"Its in a feild not far off in the country, jack. Wanna go check it out?" Tosh asked.

"Yeah, come on kids." He said, heading to the suv after ianto had helped him into his coat. "Ianto, your with us this time. Dont wanna take any chances with the country."

"Yeah i think we all agree on that." He pipped up.

Jack nodded and ianto took his right side as they all walked down to the garage. Ianto got into the passengers seat this time. Something that surprised owen but he said nothing and sat beside tosh in the middle.

Once theyd gotten there they frowned, looking around. "Found it!" Jack said, crounching down to find what seemed like a harmless peice of tech, he picked it up and there was a momentarily blinding flash of light. When ghey regained their vision they stood, having fallen when hit by the light, finding jack unconscious on the ground. Both ianto and owen crouched in front of him, and after a firm shake on the shoulder jack coughed and groaned whinily."Ow. That wasnt fun."He sat up slowly with iantos help, hissing at obviously broken ribs that hurt like hell, looking around first, then to his hand, on which there was a bleeding cut that traveled all the way up his arm to his elbow. Owen went wide eyed.

"Gwen, med kit, go get it. Now!" Owen said, shooing her towards the suv.

"That should be healing, shouldnt it?"

"Yeah it should be." He said weakly. "Ow." He rasped, rubbing his chest with his good hand.

"What?"

"Broken ribs. i think." He said, taking small quick breaths to try and dim the pain, which it didnt. Even the smallest breath hurt.

"Here Owen." Gwen said, setting the med kit beside him.

"Thanks." He stitched up jacks arm and took out the small handheld scanner theyd got when a set of them had come through the rift. He ran it over jack about an inch away from him. "Shit! Fuck. Some sort of toxic chemical jack. A parasite,and a bad one. I've only seen this one time in a medical report by a very brilliant doctor named Maisy Harkness." Jack paled visibly, all th color draining from his face as he realized what owen was talking about.

"Yeah. Come on, i need you back at the hub before the first stage sets in." Ianto heaved jack to his feet, when had ianto gotten up? Owen packed up his kit and went to the suv, it was a long walk and the first stage would set in before he got to the end of it.

By the time theyd gotten to the suv jack looked very sick. He was really pale and shaky and looked a little green around the gills, He was leaning on ianto for support as well, who looked worried for their quickly ailing captain. Jack got into the passengers with help, letting ianto drive.

As they arrived jack looked worse. He could barely stand on his own two feet. Ianto practically carried him inside. Onece inside he and owen heaved jack up onto the patients table, letting jack lay there instead of sitting on the cold metal one. Owen ran tests on jack.

He felt lower, right above jacks pelvis, trying to figure out where this thing was. As he pressed harder jack gasped and gripped the table until his knuckles turned white. It really hurt there. Like a stomach full of glass shards being pressed on, hard. "Ow. owen." Jack wheezed quietly, his voice a tinge higher.

"Sorry jack. I think its there, or they're, theres three of them."

"God." Jack said.

"Yeah."

**Sorry about the really short chapters. More of jacks love life, parasites, and confused and in pain jack too come. Xp cx XD**


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